Quiet ramblings of inner torment

A lion fell last night I am not going to tell you what I did yesterday, it was going to be a blog about the fun I had taking small risks. I am not going to tell you about the small rush a person has when they face the possibility of death because it is inappropriate now I probably shouldn’t have done it, but it fell within the scope and realm of my position and I have never been one to cower behind walls.

Different situation

One man last night risked his life, and lost it. A leader of men fell to the hatred and religious intolerance of a people we are here to help A man you could not know and not love… a man who has served his country for more years than I will recount gave his life on foreign soil and all we can know is the frustrating futility of it all  How do people live this way?

Long ago Scoutling me was sitting on ambush in a place not worth naming, I was posted just within the woodline with a small machine gun and plenty of rounds. As two dismounts walked in front of my sights I remember thinking, these men are not my objective they will never know that they live at my leisure they will never know that they have been observed, that death was so close to them, that we could have engaged and blazed our rage into them in the course of a second and probably successfully erased their small patrol without a loss They would never know that but I would. It is almost a godlike feeling of power and control, it is a feeling of supreme competence that the enemy could come so near and take no notice of you and yes fear it makes you think about how often you have been the dismount and deemed too unimportant to engage, or the mission required stealth and taking the time out to kill you was just not worth the benefits.

I get that

That is part of what makes people soldier, sick or not you have probably never been there so don’t critique something you can never understand. It is not something you seek. It just is, having the power of life or death over someone and then choosing casually to spare them or to take it is a very powerful feeling and very frightening too. That is the stupidest part of this entry to comment on it is just me trying to give you some insight into the soldiers’ state, if I get comments on that I am going to publicly deride you (if my wit dispensor is working properly). Fair Warning.

As I was saying I get that, I get the concept, I understand the honor and the feelings of toeing the line and challenging your foe. Risking your own life, or at least seeing the life that you take and MAKING THE CALL being in control and making the decision.

Men who place bombs beside roads?

I don’t get that

Men who never see those whom they kill?

I don’t get that

How do you SET an explosive down in the middle of a populated area not knowing if it will kill us or your own, some child sitting in his mothers lap perhaps? A farmer? Will it maim? Will it kill? How horrific will it be?

Don’t get me wrong, I have strung out more det cord in my time than many, in a headlong retreat explosives are a survivors best friend, they will DEFINITELY slow the enemy a bit. I have also gone through a live minefield and felt that effect too. But these things were real, the enemy was declared and it was us engaging him or he us

I don’t know I tire of this blog already; the passive aggressive nature of their enmity is just disheartening. Losing men right and left to acts that consolidate so much pure hatred into an action so passive are paradoxical and it makes me tired trying to understand it welcome to life Quiet Honor.

Weep with me tonight my friends, then weep again tomorrow, he was a leader of men and he deserves no less.

 (I was not done with this, I have more to say on the subject)

Inspector General (IG). It is a great idea to have a lateral channel through which a soldier can address issues of impropriety. In theory it would have been a great idea unfortunately the Army funked that one up.

It is ILLEGAL to prevent a soldier from contacting the Inspector General’s office.

However; it is NOT illegal to require a soldier to address the issue first through his chain of command and then request permission to address it with the IG office. It has to be approved but it is ALSO not illegal to make that soldier the evil dirt bag who is not a team player and who should be isolated from the unit and persecuted. It is not illegal to give every sh!t detail in the unit to the soldier who complained. It is not illegal to cease to promote that soldier, deny favorable actions like Leave, assign hazardous duties to that soldier, send him/her to his/her death in semi-legitimate missions which are explainable and not refusable but designed with inherent and specifically intentional risk. I.E. having a soldier drive across a country at war, after 1.3 days in country in a vehicle that lacks sufficient armament, with no understanding of the threats to encounter, no concept of the route, no graphics (maps and routes), no coordination with another unit to support us further enroute, and no communications equipment.

I get the idea behind making IG difficult to access, but it defeats the purpose initially which was to prevent people from making mistakes in the Army’s name. The IG exists to educate soldiers and commands regarding policies, procedures, and regulations. The IG is not for people to come crying to every single time their NCO yells at them. There are a lot of people who are manipulative and just plain wrong, who attempt to use the IG as a tool or a weapon with which to combat their chain of command and undermine the authority of the unit.

Assholes like that justify making the IG ineffective.

(yes I left “Asshholes’ intact intentionally)

Though those people make that argument effective enough to end discussion, it is just an excuse because the IG should then be educating the soldiers kind of as an adjudicator. An unbiased third party to tell the soldier to drop whatever they were fighting about, remind them of the pertinent circumstances, perhaps do a bit of cognitive reframing of events (which is my job too sometimes).

However; going to the IG over an issue creates a sh!tstorm which in the end is far worse than the situation which you initially went to address, and essentially if you do complain you are falling on your sword. You should not have to end your career to do your job as a leader, or even as a lower ranking soldier.

Occasionally units CAN be wrong. Often, inexperienced commanders make stupid calls that endanger lives unnecessarily. There HAS to be someone you can go to, to make things right and to save lives. Then there are those commands which are unprofessional, have no regard for Army regulations and professionalism.  I am in a command which makes many important and life threatening decisions based on the buddy system more than unbiased impartial leaadership (military protocol). Whomever the command elements’ buddies are; get the leadership positions and the best assignments, get to see the rest of the country whenever a cool opportunity arises, stay in safer spots, etc I know; everyone says that, maybe I am just whining. I have specific examples of partiality however and am only going to make one.

I am an attachment to this unit solely to plus up their strength for deployment. I am also the senior NCO of my rank in this unit. There are only (I can’t give numbers but it is a VERY small number) other NCO’s in the entire unit who outrank me AT ALL by rank or date of rank out of .

I have experience as a leader, I was a Combat soldier for much of my tour, I led troops in what was at the time th most forward deployed Cavalry unit in the Army. The unit did not want to give me a leadership position but could not avoid it and so gave me a token position. I had the label but no authority, any time I attempted to actually LEAD I was either undermined by our command or degraded professionally. I may seem to be in a mess here but I am a good leader, I take the NCO Creed very seriously and I lead by it.

But back to my example; I was in a leadership position over one of the command elements’ very favorite soldiers (some of them deployed together already and got to bond and be good friends). I was given the position but none of the authority because they are best friends, spend their free time together, etc. by definition and regulation these are inappropriate relationships. Regulations forbid it BECAUSE it causes such partiality or even the appearance of impropriety.

Anyway; one day on a lane he refused to train because he decided he was special being the command favorite and had no use for the piece of equipment that the ARMY mandated us to learn prior to deploying in theater. I made him do it anyway, with no small effort. I am a pretty easy going guy, I don’t yell, I logic and I leave the decisions up to you, asking what costs you are prepared to face and what you are gaining for it. Anyway; after the lane ended I went to discuss it with the senior NCO in our unit and seek guidance concerning corrective action. He declined to give me even the time to speak of it with him, gives me an appointment (which I kept and he was not there for) he does however speak (FIFTEEN MINUTES AFTER I ASKED TO SPEAK TO HIM) of it at length with the soldier (I only know this because I happened to walk in and catch them at it in private) I played dumb when they changed the subject figuring O.K., he will have to discuss the situation with me? He has NEVER brought it up to this day, a few days later I was rotated and have never been in a leadership position in this unit again. I have been specifically KEPT out of leadership positions, nothing overt but it is obvious. What did I do? What could I do? I shrugged I have no recourse, EO (Equal Opportunities) JAG (Judge Advocate General *army attorneys*) or IG will just ruin my career even further, I am in the right (there is more than this one example) and I have rights as an NCO if just to the position my rank merits, but I remind myself that this is not my unit and I know my own worth even if they choose to underutilize me. Honestly unless they get blatant about it there is no value to complaining. They would be corrected because they cannot substantiate the command decision to prevent me from leading. There is a process in the army, if I am a bad leader then you have to retrain me and educate me. If I am a bad soldier then you have to help me become a better one. I have received ZERO negative counselings, ZERO positive or negative NCOER’s (Non Commissioned Officer Evaluation Report’s) in the more than a year I have been attached to them. I am a VERY well decorated soldier, and all of my previous NCOER’s were glowing and recommended promotion. I have actually be turning DOWN promotion (in my unit) because I was waiting to become more experienced so that I could be better as a leader What a snotty, snobbish thing to do; now I can’t get promoted to save my life and I am kicking myself in the backside for my arrogance.

Don’t get me wrong, I love this country. I love the Army, I detest how some people behave within it, but the Army has good resources and policies My unit also made their decisions based upon factors which I do not know or understand That is another reason that I am on my blog complaining instead of filing EO/IG complaints I have to trust that they are doing their best from their perspective if I am going to serve This whole blog is just my thoughts on a subject we were speaking of in the office when I began it regarding the whole IG situation. Rather than voice my thoughts aloud I prefer to write them anonymously

Some say it is unmanly not to face those I have a conflict with *shrugs*, if you want to come fight me then bring it on. What is manly? That is just a stupid sentiment, I have no physical fear of others, I logically know that the IG is usually just a bad joke, our Unit EO officer knows nothing very little about the Army’s EO program, has received no training, has not even been in the Army for a year yet, and also is one of those favorites I mentioned. Did I mention that I tried to volunteer to be the Unit EO Rep when we had none and I was told that we were not going to have one? I guess my 7.5 years of service means just about nothing *shrugs*

Using the Chain Of Command’s Open Door Policy to voice a complaint? Bull! that does not work, you get punished for going up the chain of command and because your complaint is “in-house” nobody can even moderate it for you to make sure you are not being retaliated against., it can be but it isn’t even usually direct, it is the underhanded stuff that prevents you from speaking up until it becomes too much, from filing complaints until you can’t endure any more. Going up a poor chain of command or to a lateral channel of communication to complain about its policies makes you a threat to them and makes them work actively against you. I actually have clients right now even who have done that, gone up the chain of command to end life endangering situations and, yes; the situation ended, so did their careers now every day they are hounded, their work is combed for a reason to punish and life is pretty much miserable to them.

Please don’t leave a comment telling me that they did right, I know that, but it sucks that you have to commit military seppuku to do the right thing, that is what these lateral channels are supposed to exist for hence my lengthy whining blog.

Quiethonor closes when our men are wounded or lost, several men have been lost within the last few days. I could have accessed the internet sneakily but if no one else does then why should I get to? The rule is in place specifically so that soldiers will not inform the families of those who have died before the Army even can. Weep with me brothers and sisters, good men fell.

Lions roared in the night.

Then get on with life it is the warrior’s way.

Offer me no more and no less if I die well.

No longer mourn for me when I am dead

 Nay if you read this line remember not the hand that writ it

 For I love you so that in your sweet thoughts

 I’d be forgot if thinking on me should make you woe.

                     —unknown–

We had a mortar attack on the FOB today (very harmless but they happen sometimes)

O.K.; my Easter Egg story A picture of two boys Easter egg hunting popped onto my screen from the internet and Boss lady was sitting there, I KNOW better than to make personal disclosures and remarked to the effect that it was a good thing she had cauterized the need in me to share of myself with my comrades(we tease each other because that is what soldiers do). She then begged me to share like a good counselor (thus justifying the urge to unburden) and an abbreviated version came out. For you though; all of me.

I must have been three, four, five, six? Something like that. I was in Santa Monica visiting my aunt (J) and two cousins M (boy) and E (girl) , It was Easter and we went to some kind of community center of sorts (I think it was a religious place or something), it had buildings and a sizeable (to my youthful memory) park area about it. They were having an easter egg hunt, there were hidden these special eggs which were covered in glitter and I coveted them so badly ohhhhh. *salivating* they must have been very good to have been covered in glitter *slaps self, wipes drool on sleeve* O.K. uhm back to the story

Anyway; if you found the special eggs you would receive special prizes *weeping already* we went out to find our destinies. I searched high and low scanning the plain like a hunter seeking my prey. I found some eggs and near the end there was a small hill perhaps a 6 foot drop in elevation spread over 4 meters or so, at its base was a small drainage hole? A small hole leading into the center of the hill (I might have been on a golf course to be honest) I thought to myself hmmmm nobody would hide an egg in there, but I dropped down anyway and peeked inside careful to keep my face back lest a snake leap out and bite my eyes.

            Peering in I could just make out a roundish sort of shape about half my young arms length within, it could have been an egg or even a tennis ball (dare I to hope?) I wanted it so badly I can still feel the frustration I started for it and turned away then started for it again then turned away You see; I could reach in there and grab it but what if it was a snakes egg and the snake was in there and it bit me for touching its egg? What if a horde of beavers were waiting in there to devour my hand for a dam?

(what if I was just a pansy arsed chicken shize?)

I lacked the courage. Mournfully I walked away..

This other boy came up and he had seen me looking there NEVER would have found me without it, sadly I explained to him that there might be a Komodo Dragon within hungry for youthful flesh but he DIDNT EVEN LISTEN TO ME punk bitdh grrrrr.

He reached in and pulled out not just an egg, but a shining blue glittery gorgeous egg covered in blue glitter and shining as though hand crafted for the Fabrege collection.

.

..

 .

Even then, he could not listen to reason I mean I HAD found it, so rightfully it should have been my egg.. my prize. My glory

When we went back to compound insult to injury they gave him the first chocolate bunny I had ever seen it boggled my mind it was an ENTIRE BUNNY made out of chocolate He could eat the ears, nibble on the lucky rabbits foot, he could EAT A WHOLE BUNNY. And he still was not willing to be reasonable I mean I at LEAST deserved half if there is any justice in the world.

I remember walking home dejected with my older cousins M and E empty handed no chocolate bunny no blue glittering egg no reason to live

How synonymous with my life that event was, I am truly a coward at heart. I try to brave it through sometimes, force myself to courage but back then I was quite cowardly

I did not learn how to face death with dignity until much later in life.

Since today is a day to write about defining moments of my life, I have one more.

Before I begin you have to remember that you are looking at a small corner of a snapshot, not seeing the whole picture and have absolutely no comprehension of the rest of the album. Lessons I learn here or there are augmented or even overturned by others later. And some of them; like so many of us do, were formed based on faulty logic. Who I was is not necessarily who I am, but then in other cases it is me in entirety. You don’t know me well enough to know the difference and no one ever will, so just enjoy the story.

I was a lonely and depressed youth and frequently walked cross town (Atwater) to see my friends or just wander the streets looking for trouble, what I was really trying to do I think was outrun the demons I carried with me wherever I went.

One dark night I was walking home and nearly home when I passed the house of a couple of friends Co (girl) Ch (girl) and Ed (duh, a boy) they lived with their mother (a sickeningly obese lady) and a man I’ll call Mel.

I saw Mel, I forget what he was doing but he was in front near the porch and I decided to frighten him by jumping out from behind a truck in the driveway, he was some distance away from it but I ought to be able to get a good Boo out *chuckling at the memory*. I managed stealthily to approach from down the street invisibly due to the hour, crept behind his truck and approached its front end, my goal being to come around it and go RAAAAA or something similar from about 20 feet away. I think that I frightened a cat which had sought shelter beneath the truck because it crept out and started running towards Mel, he turned on it viciously charging for the cat and towards the truck. He was in the middle of a threatening kick and cursing at the cat and perhaps ten feet away from me when I leapt out with a roar *chuckling a little*

*composing myself* Why is that such a funny thing to do?

He instantly and without hesitation turned on his heel and RAN about ten feet as though he would never stop until he realized my laughter.

He was very angry

He he he he he he he

I was a bit of a jerk in my youth (wondering why I was lonely?)

It was very, very funny to me at the time

But even as I was laughing uncontrollably something else was going through my mind

He was a coward.

He was afraid and he turned to run never assessing the threat or challenging it to engage him

What a coward

I learned then in that moment that you could run when you are afraid or face whatever frightened you. I actually conditioned myself to change my responses so that I responded with the ability to engage in swift attack when startled or at the very least to stand my ground. I never looked at him the same way again.

I am startled a lot but I don’t want to reach the point again where I turn to run as a matter of instinct rather than tactical decision.

Is that foolish machismo? Probably

Can it get me killed? Definitely

Can NOT being willing to face what frightens me get me and others who depend upon me killed? Assuredly

Which is right, which is wrong? It is just a matter of instinct. I altered mine to stand my ground. It needs constant reinforcement too, I’m not some bad azzed bruiser or anything, in fact I have rather modest physical capabilities *shrugs* whatever

More of that anticlimactic ending again

No more counting on mom for things, I will wind up destitute or she will if she does not use my money. I ask her to purchase things in the states because they can be less expensive but instead she goes in a completley different direction that usually involves more trouble and cost than ever it was worth. Example, i ask for an external hard drive, 60 gigs or more. My ONLY stipulation being that it have password protected access. here I could by a 100 Gig drive for approx $200 from the little soldier run px, a slim pretty thing that fits in my pocket. i figure, heck I can do better there probably so assign the task to Mom. Please go into my account pull out enough to buy the harddrive and a laptop cooler for me and send both post haste IF the HD is less than $200 (else I buy the HD). HD MUST have a password protection on it.

 *I am not trying to complain here by the way, it is just too ludicrous not to blog about*

Response paraphrased, “I am all over it” An HD arrives in the mail (no laptop cooler?) Money was NOT taken out of my account and no password protection to it so ANYONE who wants to can access it. She won’t tell me how much it cost, the one that has password protection (that SHE could find with her exhaustive search) is $1,000 plus so I cringe to think how much she spent. Of course I INSIST that she take the money from my account but that is a waste of my money, even if she doesn’t it is a waste of her money… grrrr……. I ask for lotion, ONE SPECIFIC LOTION… I am very spoiled, I want what I want or nothing, she knows this but I explain it again anyway…

 I tell her I need to get the brand information and tell her who can give it to her faster, but she says she already knows; (Sandlewood Rose from Bath and Body Works) so…. she says it is nowhere near the MAJOR US CITY she lives in *my head falling into my hands* She goes all across the state and finally “finds it” 200 miles away…. *why do I even bother?* then with my harddrive in the same package I believe were THREE DIFFERENT bottles/brands of lotion… cheap 98cent store garbage that she is famous for… I am kind of flabbergasted… I mean… thank you for taking the effort and sending it… but I sent an email TELLING you to forget about it before you did, before that I made it clear that I was asking for a SPECIFIC item… I can buy crap lotion here, why ship it across the world?

GGGHHAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

It isn’t like it angers me, or it should at all, but it is REALLY REALLY funny… I mean, why even bother at all?

So; from now on I am on my own here. All supplies are what I can get

By the way, after I asked her NOT to send the clock because she hadn’t and I was going to figure it out on my own… no response… o.k., so I buy the clock online a slightly better one actually, I blog about it, send her an email; then…. “Hey; I got that clock you wanted it is coming.” AGGGHHHHHH. The right response is, “Thank you Mother.” she means well and it is probably all my fault for being confusing anyway, but it is more fun to blog about it since I doubt she knows this website and if she does she also knows I am an ornery complainer.

I don’t like having to rely on others, I don’t depend on others because others will fail you too often. Every once in a while I will break my own rules, and situations like these will get me back to myself. So; quiethonor officially is asking for nothing anymore that he cannot get (just as I run out of the only brand of deodorant I use). I am too soft and spoiled out here anyway, it is too easy to forget that I am in Iraq.

I know that you have all been living for the day when that banner would cease to offend and it is GONE… bye bye… Slowly my website is becoming something worthy of the name…. uhm…. of my name… yeah… so there.

“Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Oooooooh.

Sunshine, blue skies, please go away.
A girl has found another and gone away.
With her went my future. My life is filled with gloom, so day after day, I stay locked up in my room.
I know to you it might sound strange,
But I wish it would rain.
(Oh, how I wish that it would rain.)
Aw, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hurts so badly, I wanna go outside.
It’s a lovely day, but everyone knows that a man ain’t supposed to cry. Listen.
I gotta cry, ’cause crying eases the pain. Aw, yeah. (Crying, crying, crying.)
People, this hurt I feel inside–words could never explain.
I just wish it would rain.
(Oh, how I wish that it would rain.)
Oh, let it rain. Rain, rain, rain.
Oh, how I wish that it would rain.
Ooooh, baby. Let it rain.
Aw, yeah. (Let it rain.) Let it rain.

Day in, day out, my tear stain stays; They’re pressed against the window pane.
My eyes searched the skies desperately for rain, ’cause raindrops can hide my teardrops and no one would ever know, but I’m crying, crying when I go outside. (Crying, crying, crying.)
To the world outside my tears, I refuse to explain.
Oh, I wish it would rain.
Oh, how I wish that it would rain.
Oooooh, baby.
Let it rain. Let it rain.
I need raindrops to disguise the tears in my eyes.
(Rain, rain, rain, rain.)
Oh, oh, oh, let it rain.
(Let it rain.) Aw, yeah, yeah. Listen. I’m a man that’s about to cry. Did it rain from the sky.
Let it rain. Let it rain.”
Temptations “I wish it would rain” 1968

I want to know EXACTLY who has been singing this around here, *sweeping finger points at everyone* o.k….. maybe I hummed it just a little bit I guess….. *dejected* this kind of sucks, I woke up to the lovely pitter patter of little feet… or so I thought… it was actually the pitter patter of living in a can with a leaking roof. Did I mention that I awoke just a little bit late again? I think someone stole about twenty minutes of my life *suspicious again*. I had kind of an excuse this time with the soggy mess that needed attending to and something I was picking up for our weapons prior to entering the office this morning, but otherwise I’d have been about ten minutes late no matter what just to be honest about it.
Why do BOTH pairs of boots that I have out just happen to be sitting under a cruel leak in the morning? Who has that kind of luck (or lack of foresight)? Did I mention that one of the leaks is above my bed?

Come on, pity me already geesh…

BTW i don’t care about them, I suck, I realize that. I did not spend long in college before joining the Army. I think a lot and want to say a lot and approach every angle but get tired and blurred and just give up… that is why it is my blog, the blog of a slacker. i am sorry if it seems offensive sometimes.

I respect everyone who submitted a viewpoint and want to do this more often, I kind of assumed most would say that the soldier owes half to their spouse, reasonable enough. Who is right? Who knows, here is my answer to my own question, there are way too many reasons so I tried to stick to the pertinent ones and some issues I have seen. Rememer that laws change, maybe they prorate now, I don’t think so though, but I do have friends who have had to repay their bonus but I am getting ahead of myself.

O.K. here is my viewpoint; I can argue the semantics (and will no doubt) but the blunt fact is that the bonus is paid for a service that the soldier has yet to render. If anything happens that the soldier did not plan for and he is separated from the Army for some reason, or chooses to change his MOS, etc… for whatever he does not meet the letter of his contract

the Army will take it all back.

every

single

penny

They will withhold it directly from military pay, from any government salary, or a government pension, from income taxes, etc… they will take every single cent back and usually disadvantageously to the soldier leaving them not enough to live on taking huge chunks from their wages. They will not prorate it AT ALL; on a 6 year contract receiving $20,000, if you worked 5 years and 360 days then were kicked out five days before your ETS they will still collect the entire $20,000 from you.

See; the soldier does something that his wife has no part in, the soldier is making a commitment (I am a man so it is easier for me to write from that viewpoint it is reversible for arguing from a female gender I just use male pronouns for me instinctively) the soldier is guaranteeing the Army that he will keep coming no mater what they throw at him until he dies. He promises that no matter what is going on in his life he will be there, rain or shine, happy or sad, strong or sore, wife/husband or not. I have soldiers here whose wives allowed their children to be put into foster care by neglecting them and they have been unable to go home to get them because they have a commitment here. It sounds harsh, but if ten people die because he was not where he PROMISED to be, then what is the right answer?
Soldiers miss birthdays and anniversaries, soldiers promise to fly across the world and sit in a mud hole or ride out a sandstorm if the Army says that it needs him to. I have missed many a Christmas and Thanksgiving and the death of my great grandfather, to the Army’s necessity both in and out of country in my almost 8 years of service.

We promise to leave marital conflict at home and do our duty to our best no matter what. I have soldiers whose grandparents/parents die and they can’t go home for the funerals because if they do then their unit will be undermanned and they have made commitments.
Soldiers promise that no matter WHAT; they will be here. Now; before you go looking for examples I have my own, I have a friend whose wife was sleeping around, got pregnant, the unit was nice and let him go home to file divorce which he did, while he was gone someone else doing HIS JOB, died. Was that his fault? Heck no! Her fault? Heck no! The replacement’s fault? Heck NO!!! try telling him that though, or her, or the replacements family… or the rest of the unit… It happened, it happens; but that is kind of the reason we don’t send people home if we can avoid it.

The wife stays at home.

When the wife decides she does not like military spouse life she can just walk out. No commitment whatsoever to the Army, she has no right to receive a bonus for a commitment she is never legally or personally forced to keep. I keep seeing soldiers whose wives have encouraged them to reenlist for four to six years to get the larger bonus, then not SIX MONTHS LATER, decided being a deployed spouse isn’t the life for them. Walked out money in hand or already spent.
The sad thing there is that she was his support base and all of a sudden he winds up getting himself kicked out so he can go home to try to win her back (she’s gone for good) which leaves him indebted to the government for many years to come.

My answer to my own question in brief is that no; the spouse has no entitlement to her husband’s bonus/to his wife’s bonus for two reasons

A) It is an advance payment for a future action that can be withdrawn at any time for failure to perform the agreed upon action (four years down the road after divorce and remarriage even can a spouse go back to his/her ex wife/husband and demand the money back if she fails to meet that obligation? *interesting question if you say yes- Would her new husband be obligated to help her pay it to him?*)

B) The soldier is making a commitment his/her spouse is never compelled to make neither ethically or legally. I say that the spouse is not ethically obligated to remain with the soldier because what if the soldier is unfaithful, abusive, neglecting, just an all around unpleasant fellow/lady, or they just weren’t in love, etc… There are plenty of valid reasons for divorce other than just that the spouse is a money grubbing user. But AT that divorce, he/she has no commitment to the Army but he/she will have spent money the Army gave solely for that commitment.

Also; lets look at the nations viewpoint, because it is after all your tax money America:

It is a transaction specifically between the government and the soldier with no inclusion of the spouse, when you file married taxes a check is presented with both of your names on it from the government because you are BOTH equally entitled to it no matter who worked or did not, and it is illegal to cash it for just one party, both must endorse it. When you get a bonus the Army does not know that your spouse is alive because you alone are conducting a transaction and accepting full responsibility for its terms.

The money is meant to convince you to keep fighting, to stay on the front line. All Americans (well… some of us) passed the hat around and ponied up a few dollars to present to you to entice you to stay, should a spouse or girlfriend, or ex spouse get to dig into the hat and pull out a wad of bills as her cut? All of a sudden your motivation to sign that contract is reduced by half or however much. It reduces the nations purchasing power (purchasing your services) because they are giving you directly less money.

Support; I knew that would enter this debate, what about supporting the family? That is what a monthly wage is for, that is money given AFTER work is completed, at that point you can look at contributions (if you wish to look economically at it as a wife’s due for running the home) and determine what each person contributed to the household and the soldiers success and divide your check as needed. Also; the Army recognizes families and gives a special allotment to be used SPECIFICALLY for your family, often ranging from $400-$1200 per month depending on where you live.

Being realistic spouses don’t owe the Army anything and that is what the bonus is for, a commitment of years of your life, for that reason they have no entitlements to the bonus in my opinion. The soldier has to find a way to cope with it and keep doing his job no matter what the spouse does to him.

Now; on a different note, only a selfish pig would receive thousands of dollars and not share them or use them on behalf of his family in my opinion *smiles* I just don’t think that you HAVE to. There are even a few circumstances in which you would not want to, final say on it or how it is spent should rest with the soldier. I don’t really like to spend too much money on me and I feel far more joy in spending it on people that I love, maybe other soldiers are different.

grrrr I don’ get to proofread this because I have to go. Hope it makes some semblance of sense.